The Clown House Communal Dream Journal

29th August 2021

finally back from sorting stuff but yeah dreamways i did wake up fucking consistently througout the night and woke up past all my alarms
at 12 feeling like ass so its interesting how coherent it was

oh my god i just now remembered i think several spiderman characters were present for like the first quarter of the dream but not spiderman himself.
yeah ok. aunt may n shit.
but yeah my brain effectively treated them as randos who were Also There at this Thing that basically took place in a liminal space ass
school-gym-with-tables-set-up-in-it-like-at-an-event but also a regular kitchen but also a regular park with shit like a swingset
and also a fairground where we accidentally set shit ablaze.

but effectively. sam and i along with a couple of my irl friends who i barely interected with during this dream and said randos who may or may not have been aunt may,
hop into this space between dimensions basically independant of each other, because of an invite to a party.
me and sam specifically got in on one ticket by a small amount of lying so we went together.

then, also at this party were basically "worst end" versions of ourselves, and pretty quickly a fight broke out specifically inthat THAT bad end group,
basically ignoring us, began taking their pre-extant beef out on each other, and our set, recognising some of the worst ends as either ourselves or loved ones,
hopped in to defend them. (reason i even recalled the spiderman characters is there was legit a like bad-end shitty guy uncle ben who was like first to throw a punch)

now this? is where our odd discussion kicked in. one of the randos was ali. which meant there were two of them. one of them was very normal,
in fact maybe a little bit too normal and subdued for how i write them, despite being in some odd space in their development between "regular CF ali" and "end of CF ali"

and there was also a ridiculously feral, seemingly constantly anguished and angry ali.
They didn't look much different but did, pretty much instantly, not so much throw hands,
but lash out like a scared animal as soon as they saw us/the other ali (who we had greeted with endearment).
The two of them got into a fight and very quickly, due to being ridiculously strong magical entities, end up straight up levelling the place with a blast and hurting
(but i don't think killing) a number of people. Regular ali took this alright and managed to keep composure for a while, whereas feral ali got worse.

Eventually we cornered the both of them and comforted them with things along the lines that it wasnt their fault they were that way, and that they were just kids.
regular ali broke down crying in a normal person way and eventually calmed back down whereas feral ali did much the same while remaining in a very chomping biting kill manner.
they squirmed when forcibly hugged. They got their last attempt at revenge on us that was clearly more to save face than to actually cause harm and disappeared into the crowd.

eventually this party was over, and we had to find our way out of the liminal space.
This was were i ran into a couple IRL friends who seemed to have had an in fact, normal time at this gathering and not whatever the fuck that was,
and the lot of us found the only way back was to climb a sheer cliff made of primarily soil that wasnt that high but was a bastard to climb.
there were onions growing in it all the way up and you could see them out the side almost like very bad idea climbing handles.

so like? i have no idea what the fuck that was and i hope you enjoy incoherent weirdshit. i was very sweaty when i woke up i think i was just too warm
good cause and effect though. can really see the input > output of my brain

this dream was odd and i think spurred by a convo sam and i had in vc about the ways alis arc could possibly end post ascension with their endgame being "realisation of self as fictional character"
since theres the dirk route of lashing out at fundamental denial of free will* which i would say kind of inherently forces a bad end.
even having this arc is basically running on the assumption that god is real, and thus trying to defy a lack of free will here uh. fundamentally doesn't work out for the fictional character

or the ideas we settled on of "if asked what it was all for, why was the fictional entity created, why everything was planned, the only real reason is, really just 'out of love'.
and that's the most satisfactory answer that could be given, probably" which does not solve the denial of free will, but takes the edge off it. for an atheistic character
(or were this to happen in the space of irl, to like, us) this would maybe not be enough to make up for the total control of a god or author,
but for an already religious character like ali it is probably satisfactory,
especially given their already proven susceptibility of believing themselves a main character

and i think my brain tossed me the curveball of:
what if i present you with a version of your oc you did not consciously make, but is plausible, in-character, and miserable? what then?
to which my unconscious self responded with: "i would feel bad, i would offer them apology, i would assure them it isn't their fault"
which. it's an interesting thought experiment.

what if you're responsible for things that aren't canon but very much could be
ridiculously flawed and easy to poke holes in, but interesting

[[Post note: While this dream was still fresh in my mind I drew art of the relevant original character and how they appeared in the dream]]

doodle of the ways my brain rationalised the two alis (notable: normal ali had the hairstyle sam gives them while the feral, angry one was the way i draw them. psychoanalyise if desired)

- Luca

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